To Chuck Or Not To Chuck

One thing Palahniuk taught me: Never trust your guts. And never go Pearl Diving.

Funny thing is, I guess the latter only applies to males. Oh well, if any of you creepy, chronic pleasure-maniacs are reading this: Don't go Pearl Diving.

It is scary. It is dangerous. And not to mention, creepy as fuck.

If you can't stop yourself from using your hand every-so-often, put on a pair of stockings and apply mascara and lipstick. Hit the town. Thin fellas will be mistaken for girls and large fellas will immediately be labeled as "drag queens" but the idea here is to step out of the boundaries of your usual routine and have a little fun with flamboyance. At the very least, it's safer than Pearl Diving, I believe.

Ladies. Don't let your men go down on you. Their mouths and tongues are their most dangerous weapons. They could actually kill you with just a tiny breath. Scary, isn't it? Stay away from extravaganzas. The normal deal should be enough, right? Right.

Or if you prefer to take an easier route... do not EVER read Palahniuk. Once you've begun, there's no going back. He'll always leave you for wanting to read more. It will be just one book at first and before you know it, you'll have read all his books.

It's best to stay untainted.