When it comes to cheer, motherfucker is a Grinch.

Do I even have anything to say? No. Not really. It's just that sometimes I get these urges to create something: I can't draw, and I can't play an instrument either. So I think: "Well, there's only writing left." I am not sure if I can do that properly but who writes properly anyway? And more importantly, who the fuck cares about being proper? I like chaos.

It feels like something is trying to claw its way outta my lower abdomen right now. If you, my lovely reader, are a female, you'll understand. As for the males, I don't know fellas, go get a sex change or something. Or if they invent one of those virtual reality machines one day, try being a lady mmmkay?

There was this dude I knew two years ago. He was cute, funny, adorable, sexy whatever the fuck. We started to talk and it was all going well until the moment where rumor began and we fell apart. I don't understand why it mattered so much to people whether we were dating or not. I wouldn't call our thing a relationship but it wasn't friendship either. Now, on a boring and painful day like this, I'm once again lurking around on Facebook. I saw he got this new girlfriend and a new job. Good for that fella, he was a nice one.

I've been talking to people about things, you know, things in general and I've realized something. These people I talk to are so afraid of being alone. Like last night, me and a friend were talking about this documentary: "Metal A Headbangers Journey." Throughout the documentary, there's a lady who keeps suggesting that metal gives fans a place to belong, it gives them a sense of belonging. Now question to be raised here is... Do we actually need a place to belong? Do we, really? My friend said we belong to the place where no one belongs. No, I shall agree to disagree. We do NOT need to belong anywhere, any movement or any fanbase. If you're listening to the music and enjoying it, then that's enough. That's all you fucking need to go on. I mean, a lot of metalheads are just blind fucking idiots who think metal is all about being a cult and they think they are so cool by just having long hair and wearing black shirts... Oh my fucking god, how fucking painfully boring is that? What matters there is the music and the feeling and the rage you manage to let out. that's all that fucking matters. So it's alright if you wear a most pop outfit to a metal show. It's alright as long as you are not bullshitting anyone and actually enjoying the creation.

For me, metal is a tiny voice in form of riffs, beats and roars and it keeps telling me to hang in there and fight. Also this tiny yet big voice provides the inspiration I need to create as well. Okay, I don't create anything worth reading but hell, it's my own way of therapy. But that doesn't mean it's only metal! How could I possibly explain this... hmm, imagine a room filled with a lot of people, all of them have distinct personalities and they are all talking to me: metal, rock, pop, jazz, blues, classical, many other genres. Yeah, that's how music is for me. A group of tiny little voices. But somehow, just because I listen to death metal, I end up getting labeled as a "hardcore metalhead" No, I am not and will never be a fucking hardcore metalhead. Those guys are simply idiotic cumdrinkers with no self confidence. They have long hair because every other metal musician does, they wear black and lots of chains and stuff because it's how a metalhead should dress. Get the fuck out, honestly, you guys are fucking ballsucking posers, and also you're all worse than Hannah Montana. Yes, I indeed wear band shirts which happen to be black somehow but I don't wear them because it's the thing to do. I wear them because those shirts are more comfortable than fancy fancy shirts and dresses. Plus, I believe if I wear them and if somehow I can get the attention of others, then it means I'm supporting one of my favorite bands. I'm supporting them by possibly recruiting a fan. I have slightly long hair, is it because I'm so metal? No. Actually, I'm the most "un-metal" gal you'll ever meet. I have my hair long because I like it that way. That's all there is to it.

Yet, still people insist listening to metal requires some kind of brotherhood. Fuck your pretentious brotherhood to your beloved hell. I don't need to belong to your stupid group. I will not conform to your biased point of view.

G'day to y'all mates, I'm out. Time for some coffee.